I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
