I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
