I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
