so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
