$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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