she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize