You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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