loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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