Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
