It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
