You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
