the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
