There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When did angry sex become our thing?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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