I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
