holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
