the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize