3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
