hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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