I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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