This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
