just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
