Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You are the jesus of drinking
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
