How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
