I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm too high and old for this...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
