A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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