Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
