We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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