Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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