she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
