Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
