Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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