Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
