Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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