do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
youre lurking in front of me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
