Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
