How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
