chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
