Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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