dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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