Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
