This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have aggressive nipples.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
