the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
