Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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