your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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