I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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