Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
