you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
