Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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