There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
