I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
