Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
