please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
God, I missed his penis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
