Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
