I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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