my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
