you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
