I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
