I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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