tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize