My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
