but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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