Duck Duck Cougar?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found your dick twin last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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