I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
