I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
