So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
