I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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