hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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