You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
