the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize