Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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