I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
