Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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