Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
