I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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