I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize