her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And then he peed in my hair
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