I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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