I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I forget how to act sober
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
