Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Watching her eat just hurts me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
