I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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