Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
