his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
