she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
