Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
