I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
