i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
