Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
