That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
