i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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