just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Found the puke drawer
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My dick has a subreddit
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
