i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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