I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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