Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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