How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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