Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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